The Art of Being Kinder to Yourself…

Over the last year, I’ve thought a lot about the topic of self-compassion. This isn’t to be confused with self-esteem. In many respects if we show ourselves more self-compassion then our self-esteem will automatically increase.

I've also come to realize we get confused by the term self-esteem and the way it's thought of today. For many it's come to mean increasing our sense of self-worth at the expense of somebody else without consciously going out of our way to "steal" from somebody so we get more.  We unconsciously look at like it's a "zero-sum game."

But back to self-compassion...

Many of us have grown up to believe that compassion is a virtue and something to strive to show to others, and I would venture to guess we do. Our natural reaction when we see somebody being victimized or in need of help is to step up and do whatever we can to ease suffering.

However, when it comes to showing ourselves compassion… we struggle. We tend to be hard on ourselves. Maybe feeling there’s so much suffering in the world how dare we “waste” our compassion on ourselves.

But the fact is… this is faulty logic.

Studies have shown when we’re kind and nurturing to ourselves then many of our emotional needs are met, and we are better positioned to focus and help others. It turns out being good to yourself helps you be good to others – what a pleasant paradox!

There are five myths that stop us from showing the self-compassion we deserve. These are thinking:

1. It’s a form of self-pity. 
2. It means weakness.
3. It’ll make me complacent.
4. I’ll be seen as a narcissist.
5. It’s selfish.

I don’t have the space today to tackle each of these myths here but I have written an article that covers the topic of self-compassion in more detail and explodes these dangerous myths, and I hope you take the time to read it and show yourself more self-compassion in 2017.

That is my wish for all reading this post today.

You can find the article: Practicing Self-Compassion – How to Be Kinder to Yourself here >>> 

I wish you a very successful 2017 and you achieve whatever goals you set for yourself.

Best wishes,

Erika Slater CH
Director
Free At Last Hypnosis
Massachusetts

Three ways to natural anti-aging… no tricks

There’s a lot of bad press about wonder products that leave your bank account "empty" and your body "flat out of years."

No snake oil I promise, no expensive facial cremes or surgery. Just some information to make you think.

Believe it or not there are Doctors and scientists in the world dedicated to understanding how we age and discovering if we can slow it down or stop it altogether. Their goal is to increase our life expectancy to 130+years!

The fact is you don’t have to wait for their research or studies to provide answers because there are some simple things we know today that can slow our aging process and they’re all natural.

Want to know what the big three are? Read on…

Now first, living to 130+years of age brings its own set of problems such as what is the real retirement age and how much money do you need for a retirement this long? Yikes!

I’m not an economist so if it’s okay with you I’ll gloss over this reality and instead assume that an extra decade or two of youthful life would suit you fine if you knew what you had to do and it is achievable for mortal.


THE EXERCISE ELEMENT:

Unlike your pre-historic ancestors, you’re not going to be eaten by a sabre tooth tiger so “flight or fight” isn’t a daily concern for you.

The bad news though is we’ve all got a little lazy – me included. Most people’s exercise these days consists of walking to the car from the house for their daily commute and doing the same on returning home.

Our body needs us to take care of it and so a little exercise each day goes a long way. 15-20 minutes a day walking at your own pace is good enough to start. Also, perform some exercises each day that improve your flexibility and help with muscle tone. Keep it simple.

Your body benefits from being “pushed” a little. Breaking sweat is enough but you set your own exertion level. Okay here’s the disclaimer… see your doctor first before entering any exercise program if you’ve been “dormant” for a while… like years.


THE NUTRITION COMPONENT:

Garbage in… Garbage out. The fuel we put in our bodies needs to be top grade and of our choice and not what the food industry wants us to eat to swell their profits and please Wall Street.

Our bodies age quickly if all we pump into it are sugars, carbohydrates and processed foods full of chemicals only spelling bees can get their tongues around. It’s okay to have a “few sins” such as a pasta meal occasionally or a cookie to close a meal.

Just not every day, right?

If getting and sticking to good nutrition is a “bridge too far” for you based on past experiences… then you’ll like this last final aging deterrent to help you over the bridge…


IT’S ALL ABOUT MINDSET:

I’ve saved the best for last… and its mindset.

Mindset is all about your attitude and what you think. If you crave only sitting on the couch or eating unhealthy body fuel, then you just have to realize you’re making a choice to be susceptible to disease. What’s needed is a different perspective on exercise and food.

Getting the right mindset means in time you’ll look forward to exercise and find the time to do it consistently. Getting the right mindset means in time choosing healthy food alternatives will be natural to you.

So how do you get this mindset?

Well you can read books about it – Jamie Smart’s books "The Little Book of Clarity" and most recently "Results" explain what is going on and how to think different and then use this information to achieve the results you want.

If you hate reading self-help books, then hypnosis will help install the mindset to get you on the path to natural aging and enjoying exercise on the right diet for you.

There are self-hypnosis products you can purchase or you can skip all that and see a local hypnotherapist to kick-start the new YOU.

I’ve written an article at our blog about Natural Anti-Aging and Turning Back the Clock to Feel Younger here >>> 

If you look at photos of yourself today or catch a glimpse in a mirror and don’t care for what you see, then go beyond the expensive cosmetic products and start making foundational changes to your mindset to help reduce and reverse your aging… and start today.

Let me know how you enjoyed this email.


Erika Slater CH
Director
Free At Last Hypnosis
Massachusetts

What's the Right Number of Weight Loss Hypnosis Sessions for Me?

I thought I would tackle the question of the right number of hypnosis sessions for weight loss in today's post.

And the answer is... it's complicated.

This is right up there with the answer.... it depends, right? And no doubt just as frustrating to you!

But I have a good reason so please hear me out.

For those people seeking out weight loss services using hypnosis then usually it's because they've tried to lose weight before using traditional ways but it hasn't worked for them.

These ways can be diets, exercise, pills, weight watchers, and a combination of these and others. For whatever reason it hasn't solved their weight issues long term. We can agree it works for some folks but not for everybody.

It doesn't mean we're losers - let me tell you my story one day - but it does mean there's something lurking sabotaging you getting to your right size.

Its a complicated topic because you're a complicated individual.

You're a special, unique one a kind person. Hooray!

Because you're unique then your story is unique, and your story is what makes weight loss complicated for some folks. Your story dictates why you're stuck in keeping the weight off.

So most of the people that come to see me are looking to get unstuck! They're looking for help in losing weight successfully.

They want to see if hypnosis can help them.

Fair enough... but...


HOW BAD DO YOU WANT IT?

Hypnosis like any other aid isn't a "silver bullet."

We can't make an appointment for you to come in and I give you a hypnosis session or two, tell you to only eat "protein and veg"and you're cured and will only ever eat healthy foods again.

Can it happen... yes, but let's not bank on it.

Success is dictated by how "badly" you want it to be successful. If you want it bad enough then you'll do what I tell you to do once we've got the demons expelled keeping you where you are today.

Let's agree there are issues keeping you at your current weight that have nothing to do with food and calories.

The issues are not the food and calories you consume... the issues are what cause you to consume the food and calories you do.

If you fix the issues then maintaining healthy food choices becomes pick your healthy foods of choice and go home and enjoy the rest of your life. Well... there is some work to do to help you stick to eating healthy but hypnosis and good direction can usually solve that piece of the puzzle.

So the real work in hypnosis is identifying the issues and helping you to move on from them.


SO HOW MANY WEIGHT LOSS SESSIONS ERIKA? 

Okay... enough context let's cut to the chase...

For private weight loss clients I recommend a minimum of four sessions. For those that sign-up for my group weight loss program there are three sessions.

But this needs some explanation.

Private clients have a program that initially lasts for four sessions. The first session aims to explain the program but begins to understand the barriers keeping them from being successful in weight loss up until now.

These are usually emotional issues and are... complicated.

There's that word again. But frankly, it can take all four sessions to rout out the issues. Certainly a client may not even know the core issues and so we spend time identifying. If the issues work is long then a program can be 6 or 10, or even longer number of sessions.

The issues and of course the client's desire to resolve the problem dictates the program length.

The Group program has to be more defined and limited, and this is why we set it at three. Of course with Group we can't discuss individual issues, and frankly most people wouldn't feel comfortable doing that in a group setting.

Many times I work with a group client on an individual basis if they recognize extra help is needed and they have the desire to spend the time and their resources doing the necessary work.


CAPPING IT ALL OFF:

Hopefully, by now you have a sense about how weight loss is a complicated subject and that if it were easy and just about eating the right foods then most would have solved it by now.

Yes, we can talk about the food industry and all the terrible things they've done and are still doing to cause obesity in this country and around the world but that's another story for another day.

For now know if you chose hypnosis to help you with weight loss then don't go in with thinking of a set number of sessions. Work with your local hypnotherapist that specializes in weight loss and work it out together.

For more details around my private weight loss program to help you with context then check out my Free At Last Hypnosis services page here >>>

Erika Slater CH
Director
Free At Last Hypnosis
Massachusetts

Putting Your Octopus to Bed

Do you feel overwhelmed with all the things you want to change about your life but don’t seem to make much of any progress?

Are you a victim of trying to change too many things at once and end up not changing anything at all?

If you are then you’re not alone and today I’m going to give you some help.

I hope you’re up to a metaphor for today’s email. It’ll be fun.

Let’s assume you have a number of significant things you want to change about your life. It could be around career/job, relationships, finances, fitness, stress, weight loss, quit smoking, etc.  Allocate each one to the arm of an octopus in order of importance and think about “putting your octopus to bed.”

How would you go about doing this?

No, I’ve never put an Octopus to bed either but I think in my imagination it would go something like this…

1. The First Tentacle:

The first tentacle is the hardest. Think about it… the first tentacle of the Octopus you put under the sheets will be the hardest to keep there. The Octopus would be comfortable with letting it hang out and dangle over the bed. It will feel weird after all these years of having its tentacle waving freely in the ocean depths and now confining a tentacle to stay in one position. So it will fight you to keep it tucked in. It’ll drop out many times… you’ll put it back in… it will come out… and you put it back in again. This sequence will repeat until the Octopus finally gets what you want it to do and eventually the tentacle will stay in.

Let it rest and sleep for the night before going on to the next tentacle.

This first tentacle then has to be the tentacle that relates to your most important change you want in your life. It will be the hardest to change so you can expect an internal “fight.”

Hopefully you’re getting the metaphor between the Octopus tentacles and the changes you want to see in your life.

2. The Second Tentacle:

If you spent enough time getting the first tentacle under the sheet, then it’ll stay when you put the second tentacle inside the covers. If the first one slips out, then no need to panic as it just means you still have more training work to do on the first tentacle. Go back to focusing on the first tentacle again.

Once you feel confident the first tentacle will stay put move on to the second tentacle. Even though it’s the second tentacle expect a fight for it to stay under the sheets along with the first. After all these are your two most significant changes and they’ll “not go to bed” without a fight!

3. The Third and Subsequent Tentacles:

I don’t know how many tentacles (changes you want to make) your Octopus will have – unlikely it’ll be eight. But the remaining tentacles should be easier to put to bed. You’ve trained your Octopus on what to expect and it’ll conform.

If one of the earlier tentacles slips out when working on others, then just go back to it and give it all your attention until its back under your control again.

If necessary implement a system of rewards for yourself after each successful control of a tentacle. This is reinforcement of the behavior you want and can be just token and not expensive or significant, a cup of coffee or a trip to a movie is good enough.

4. What Do I Do If My First Tentacle Keeps Slipping Out?

Consider there is something going on here impeding progress. Maybe the change you chose as your first tentacle is not the one to tackle first? If you chose Quit Smoking as your first major change but when you go onto other changes you keep “falling off the wagon” and start smoking again then there’s most likely a more compelling core change for you to make first rather than to Stop Smoking.

Quitting may have to wait until you get a different tentacle under control.

5. Wrapping It All Up:

My use of the term “putting your Octopus to bed” is merely a convenient metaphor to get you to think about making changes and how important it is to focus your energies on succeeding by mastering one change at a time.

While I have no doubt you can “chew gum and walk at the same time” we’re not talking about multi-tasking when it comes to significant life changes but something requiring deeper commitment to change.

Some changes will be more difficult than others and take longer and this may frustrate you so if you experience barriers or want to speed up the process then consider hypnosis either through some sessions with a hypnotherapist or learning self-hypnosis techniques.

Contact me here if you need help >>>


Erika Slater CH
Director
Free At Last Hypnosis

Preparing Your Kids And Teenagers To Thrive In The New School Year…

Over the summer I’ve written some blog posts around anxiety, social exclusion, and self-esteem in kids and teenagers.

These are personal topics for me and also ones I continually run across when I talk to clients of kids in my hypnosis practice.

If you worry about the approaching new school year and how your child or teenager will fare, then you’re not alone.

Despite the heightened awareness of these issues in our schools it’s still a jungle for many kids and teenagers each day. My own experiences and research has focused on how best we can help our kids thrive in this environment. That was the impetus for me writing and sharing these posts.

Let me introduce each of these posts to you and provide a link to the full article where you can also find additional resources.

I’m hoping they’ll be something useful for any parent of children and teenagers in one or more of these articles..

1. How to Instill High Self-Esteem in your Kids:

Many kids today suffer from low self-esteem. Low self-esteem undermines the ability to communicate effectively, rationally and assertively. As a parent or guardian our own self-esteem impacts greatly those for whom we care. While we may not want to hear it, a child’s low self-esteem can be a direct cause of our interactions with them.

This article covers topics of depression and anger on self-esteem, the importance of quality interactions with our kids, and a better path for the family to support kids experiencing self-esteem issues.

Read the full article here >>>

2. Kids feeling Socially Excluded:

Nature can be brutal and rejection of an animal by its Mother or from its pack or herd can be fatal for the survival of the animal.

But when it comes to humans our expectation is no child or kid is excluded. But we’re all vulnerable growing-up and frankly kids and teenagers can behave badly towards each other, especially when it comes to social interactions and acceptance.

I have three kids of my own and getting each of them through the teenage years to adulthood has been different for each one. As any parent knows at some point your kid will experience social exclusion at some level. Preparing them ahead of time to deal with this is part of being a parent.

This article covers bullying, how to talk to your kids on these matters, and some advice on how to get beyond words if you need to seek further help.

Read the full article here >>>

3. Generalized Anxiety Disorder (G.A.D.) in Kids & Teenagers:

More kids are being diagnosed or labeled with having mental health disorders such as depression and anxiety. It also appears that generalized anxiety disorder is truly becoming more prevalent in younger kids and teenagers. Why?

What’s going on here?

Are more kids being born with brain and neurological deficiencies or abnormalities which is leading them to becoming ‘anxious’, or is it more of a sociological phenomenon which is leading to psychological problems? Or is it, as some suggest, all to do with our diets of processed foods?

In this post I explore what is G.A.D., the debate over why it’s prevalent, and treatments available including pharmaceuticals to help overcome it.

Read the full article here >>>

Let me know if the information in any of these articles helped.

Erika Slater CH
Director
Free At Last Hypnosis
Massachusetts

How to Get Your Fair Share of Happiness…

Today I want to cover some simple ways to get your fair share of happiness in life

But before we get into it I want to know what the word “happiness” conjured up in you.

Did it bring a smile to your face or did your face just screw-up into a nasty frown?

Has life become too serious for you with fun or happiness feeling short-changed?

Happiness is a conscious decision. You can choose to be happy or sad.

A quick word about being sad. There is nothing inherently wrong in being sad as it can serve a healing purpose. For example somebody did something bad to you, or you had a horrible day at work. Sadness can become an issue if you stay “in the emotion” for too long. As somebody once said to me… you can visit “pity city” but you can’t live there.

Back to happiness…

Many people consider happiness to revolve around money, spending and security. Certainly, there is an element of this notion for most but being rich does not guarantee happiness, as it introduces other worries.

In the movie “The Pursuit of Happyness” Will Smith struggles through many difficult circumstances in the pursuit of a better life, and despite his circumstances he realized with each new day he got to decide his thoughts and attitude which influenced his outcomes – happy or sad.  

Life is not a race to the finish line. It’s about the journey and the need to enjoy that journey – after all you only get to make it once!

I’ve found many people with hobbies are happy. They get absorbed in their hobby and it gives them great pleasure… just show an interest in their hobby and watch their face light up!

If you’re struggling to get to a place of happiness then one of the best places to begin is through quiet time and meditation. If you have difficulty quietening your mind, then you might want to try self-hypnosis.

Start with the free resources available to you already as a subscriber… my FREE mindfulness MP3 session here >>> and then listen to my other FREE Sanctuary MP3 session here >>> Start listening to them on alternate days.

In this hectic and demanding world we can all do with more “happiness” in our life.

Most of us can’t be “in happiness” mode 365-days a year but in my book if it feels like a rarity to be happy then something is wrong, and the only person that can do something to change it… is you.

Make the decision to have thoughts of happiness over the next 30-days whatever happens. Try it on for size. It will show in your face and be infectious to others. After the 30-days ask those you interacted with on a daily basis during the period if they noticed a change in you.

I’m betting you’ll be surprised and delighted with the responses, and want to continue.

Let me know how it turns out for you.

Erika Slater CH.
Director
Free At Last Hypnosis

P.S. If you enjoyed this short article then we have in-depth articles on similar topics at our Free At Last Hypnosis Blog here >>>

What We Can Learn From a Martian…

Being stranded on Mars is a tad more serious than finding you’re run out of gas on earth and 3 miles from the nearest gas station. At least you can breathe, you won’t explode, you have a phone, and you’re not going to run out of food and starve to death.

But if this has ever happened to you – being stranded without gas that is – then it was probably a nasty experience - inconvenient, frustrating, and making you feel a little stupid. 

But for Matt Damon in the film “The Martian” he was stranded on Mars and faced dire survival circumstances.

So what did he do?

He viewed his misfortune in a unique way… he injects humor whenever he can. He ridicules constantly one of his fellow astronaut’s selection of music left behind that he has to listen to… ABBA fans will know what I mean. 

My personal favorite is his exclamation that he can truly claim to be the best Botanist in the world! On Mars world that is!

I’m betting you know somebody like Watney – the character portrayed by Damon. Somebody who can always find something to laugh about in any situation. Somebody that looks for the funnier side of life especially, and I mean especially, when things are really bad.

Laughter is good for us. One study from the University of Oxford found laughter made subjects of the study better able to withstand pain.

Scientifically, we do know emptying the lungs by laughing activates endorphins, which creates a mild euphoria and dulls pain. It has both a positive mental and physical impact on us.

So what does this all mean?

Time to lighten up even when things seem dire. I don’t want to spoil your story but everything will be all right. Learn to see the funny side of predicaments as they’re everywhere and they will happen to you. But you get to choose how to respond. 

Have a bad boss? Just imagine them naked yelling at you and try and keep a straight face. Not likely.

I’m not saying if you’re dealing with a life threatening situation or illness you can laugh it off, but most of us don’t find ourselves in these situations every day. But we do manage to create a lot of drama around every day mishaps with family and friends or even idiot strangers. 

This drama leads to stress on our bodies… and we don’t need to add stress in any way to a world that piles it on even before you get out of bed each day!

You can’t control the actions of others but you can control how you react to other’s actions. 

Make a pledge with yourself to start enjoying the mental and physical benefits of laughter… today.

Start by doing this… breathe and smile… breathe and smile… breathe and smile.

Enjoy

Erika Slater CH
Director
Free At Last Hypnosis

P.S. Don't forget to check out one of the best resources I have... my blog. Hundreds of 

articles to answer many of your health and mind questions. Access my blog here >>>

This short article was inspired by my friends over at Uncommon Knowledge.

Our Own Stories and How They Cause Limiting Beliefs

I enjoy going to the movies. There’s something special about seeing a film on the big screen as opposed to TV.

But for me there’s something missing from most movies I see these days… a good story.

I understand that Hollywood with their big budgets and special effects these days can make even the most unbelievable of plots seem real using digital wonders and highly talented individuals using software.

But I’m not blinded by this any longer and it’s all beginning to fall flat as the plots are shallow and the films are less about a vehicle for wonderful storytelling and acting and more about blinding me with digital science.

There are exceptions where the story and acting is front and center and the special effects are there and well done but support the story.

As humans we are all about stories and live them out in our lives every day.

Our stories are important to us as they explain what we think and why we think the way we do. It’s what makes each of us unique. Our stories start at birth and as we grow so do our stories and help to shape and expand our futures.

But they can unfortunately confine and limit us as well causing us to repeat the same mistakes over and over again. Like the movie Groundhog Day with Bill Murray we can end up living the same story with the same result everyday… until WE decide to change it.

Helping people change their story to get a better result is what I’ve chosen to do.

It’s hard but rewarding work.

People who come to me don’t have a Hollywood budget but they do have a fascinating story and my role is to spot what it is about their story that’s hindering them from getting the results they want – such as becoming smoke free, losing weight, or reducing anxiety.

Your “story” is just another term for what I call your Mental Blueprints – shaped by your life, environment and decisions you’ve made up to now. As I mentioned your story or beliefs can also severely limit what you achieve and the results you get.

The wonderful thing about your story is… it can be changed.

I’m not suggesting you quit your job, divorce your spouse, or move to another country because of reading this email – although if you know this is what you need to do then maybe this email is the sign you’ve been waiting to read.

No, I’m suggesting you rewrite your own story in chapters just like a book. Tackle one issue at a time.

I know your next question is something like: “How do I know what to tackle first?”

It’s a good question and one most people need help in identifying. If you feel you’re living out a story every day you need to change then seeking professional help to make change is not just one option but could be your best option.

But first here are some free resources to get you started…

Check out an article I wrote about Mental Blueprints  and one about Limiting Beliefs here.

Both of these articles will help you gain an understanding and insights into your story and arm you with information on choosing how you best can go about changing your story to get better results.

Let me know how you enjoy them.

Erika Slater CH
Director
Free At Last Hypnosis

Three Steps to a Healthy You

If you're reading this blog then chances are your health is important to you - both physical and mental.

You see the things I help people with mostly relate to health issues such as losing weight, quitting smoking, relieving stress and anxiety. These all effect health and this is why most people come to see me as a hypnotist.

Here is a three step process you can use to begin to get on the road to be healthy which should be top of mind for everybody.

Step One is all about taking inventory of your health today, and knowing where you want to get to so you can decide on the changes you need to make.

Step Two is about committing to the changes you want and practice the mindset shifts you need to make to get those changes you’ve identified in step one.

Step Three is the final part. Everything up until now has really been preparation. This step is all about action and making the changes stick.

I bet you're looking at this now and saying.... "That's a lot of work Erika."

Yes, it is. I didn't promise "simple or easy" in the title did I?

You see that's a lot of the problem we have with getting healthy. It can be involved and even messy at times but also... a large commitment. But it's worth it.

To go deeper into the topic I've written a more in-depth article about these three steps and exactly how to go about these three steps so you come out of it with a plan for moving forward.

I also discuss ways about keeping on the path during step three, and where to get help.

I've even included a resource section at the end for further reading and where you'll get alternative views and ideas.

I hope you enjoy the article and use it as springboard to getting back on track to being healthy if you feel.. and we all do from time to time... life has got in the way and you've wandered off-course a bit.

Here's your sign to get back on track... it's too important for you not to...

To read my blog post on three steps to getting to a healthier you and making it stick click here >>>

Erika Slater CH
Free At Last Hypnosis
North Grafton, MA 01536